Whereupon reading these words in John Owen book six “there is a certain infallible connection and coherence between true mortification and eternal life”, I was struck by the truest sense of joy. I have found that the truest sense of joy finds its wellspring from the depths of assurance, and this assurance is that of Christ’s mark upon my life. Fear of failure and the uneasy melancholy of self pity flee when confronted by the power of assurance. They will know we are Christians by our love, and we will know we are Christians by the mark that mortification leaves upon our shallow and sin sick lives. With each passing day I am more certain and more hopeless apart from the cross of Christ. I find the pervasiveness of sin to be second only to the outworking of His grace and His mercy driving evil from their various encampments in my heart. Pain and duress are the truest works of joy and life. If I am being persecuted, if I am in anguish over sin, if I am being chastened, if I am tempted, and if my flesh is thoroughly being mortified I can be assured that my salvation has been purchased on Calvary’s tree, and His blood has been spilt on my behalf. If my world collapses around me, if the sky falls, and if not unlike Job I am the object of Satan’s scorn, I must be filled with delight unspeakable because these are sure signs of mortification.

            I have come to realize that I am a deplorable Christian. I am simply not holy enough, intelligent enough, spiritual enough, simple enough, loving enough, green enough, liberal enough, conservative enough, gentle enough, biblical enough or quiet enough. My stability is questionable. There is no room to boast save in the cross of Christ for my life is a pitiful testimony to the grandeur present in the sacrificial work of Calvary. This is also further cause for joy. In my failings I find joy because it is in them that the most unashamed and blatant testimony to the authenticity of the παράκλητος is evident. The Comforter, The One who consoles, or The Advocate, comes to plead my case and give assurance. The Holy Spirit reminds my weakened will that He is faithful to all generations. He is ever faithful even to the back-slider. Yes even to one such as me. In this way He chastens those whom He loves to such a severe degree that we can know with epistemic certainty that He is near. I can give no room to doubt for my life is testimony to the corrective and disciplinary reality interwoven in the providential tides of my faith.

            Sources and reasons for anxiety are directly correlated to the amplitude of our faith insofar as God portions each to those in relation to their maturity. When we are in pursuit of maturity or when we are facing the precipice of human limit and are forced beyond our current maturity the amplitude of duress mounts accordingly. Christ either disciplines us directly or hands us over to Satan to be purified. This is truly the pilgrim’s progress toward the face of God. Once a particular thread of Christian development has been explored to its fullest degree we are again pressed by the weightiness of world affairs and our own limitedness. In the early watches of the morning those of us left un-plagued by slothfulness are oftentimes riddled with false ponderings. They creep in as The Evil One whispers depravity back into our cleansed minds. When the morning has turned into noontime we have entered The Kingdom of Darkness and our flesh wanes beneath the heaviness of interaction. The toil of work has left us fettered to the impressions and whims of a sinful world system. In the darkness of night all manner of sinful predilection and deleterious defect of man come out to question “Who is this king of Glory”? We must in this flood of wickedness not retreat into the thoughts and intentions of man but leap into the under girding promises of God to His people. Assurance is the wellspring of joy unspeakable. In this way we shall be anxious for nothing because He will sustain us through His chastening. What is more, we should not begrudgingly endure this duress out of simple duty but in thankfulness of heart pray our supplications so as to learn the joy of trusting The Author and Sustainer of our faith.

            Let us pray in the time of trial for assurance in the testing, and in the testing, endurance, and in the endurance hope, and in that hope may we be glad in Jesus.